be right back
October 24, 2009
Tension builds up like a tumour in the chest, getting almost lethal with every second passing by. Push the button, the invisible, taunting button and what released are but hiccups of choked tears and emotions long held up. The frustration and anger that had seemed nonexistent before need no trigger or cause. They take over before a word can be said.
No effort is made to restrain.
Is it worth going to bed every night knowing that these whirlwinds of thoughts would have been gone by morning? Who are we kidding but ourselves with the illusion of everything being fine, when it isn’t, really.
Who am I kidding, knowing I spring up at 3 in the morning bursting into uncontrolled tears and anger fits; knowing I gaze longingly at the vertical lines all over the canvas of my body; knowing I hear voices; knowing at the bottom of this heart that I’d bring you down one day.
Unfortunately it’s no longer a medical disorder prescription pills would fix. Those days are over. One should stop giving fancy names to mind conditions. No no… it doesn’t work that way. The bare facts are ugly, people fuck up. And that’s about all there is to it.
…
i don’t think i can do this anymore.
